Tweet
Something funny I came across.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead
decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter
he grew a beard.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was
finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his
soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and
admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every
second Wednesday of the month.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot
broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart
while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply
beat the living shit out of everything that was thrown at him, and the
game forfeited.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer, Chuck Norris
smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7
different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing
for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the
information he wants.
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of
"beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen,
jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined
influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all
three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but
because he has run out of women.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and
saying "booya".
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck
Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck
Norris can kill him and take it.
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on
Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His
reasoning? It was "more humane".
There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I
mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".
Chuck Norris doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if
your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been
known to last for up to 15 days.
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck
Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and
starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from
drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far
too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided into
two.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the
first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and
includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack.
Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes. Ever.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can hear silence.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
If at first you don't succeed, you're obviously not Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can draw a square circle.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
The Dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. ONCE.
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
Chuck Norris' penis is so large that it actually warps the fabric of space-time. Indeed some physicists now theorise that the passage of time is mearly a byproduct of Norris' colossal erections. This is known as the "Chuck Norris' big cock theory of space-time".
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is Courage?" Chuck Norris received an "A+" for writing only the words "Chuck Norris" and promptly turning in the paper.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Every time Chuck Norris smiles it saves the life of a dying man. Ironically, Chuck Norris only smiles after he kills someone.
Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
Chuck Norris doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a royal flush.
Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
Before he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
Chuck Norris' action figure has slept with more women then most men.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
Chuck Norris clogs the toilet even when he pisses.
Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell them there was a stripper in it.
Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.
Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
Chuck Norris has a word for a person he puts into a coma; that word is "lucky".
Similar to a Russian Nesting Doll, if you were to break Chuck Norris open you would find another Chuck Norris inside, only smaller and angrier.
Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris invented the car accident.
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Native American.
Oxygen requires Chuck Norris to live.
A recent poll discovered 93% of women think about Chuck Norris during sex. A similar poll discovered Chuck Norris thinks about Chuck Norris 100% of the time during sex.
Chuck Norris doesn't have to do anything for a Klondike bar.
Most reported Bigfoot sightings are just Chuck Norris with his shirt off. Loch Ness sightings, on the other hand, are Chuck with his pants off.
Chuck Norris does not know about this site. Otherwise he would have deleted the internet.
Wilt Chamberlin claims to of slept with over 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."
It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.
Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.
A man was once stranded on the side of the road after his car ran out of gas. Chuck Norris drove by, got out, and looked the man in the eye. The man knew that everything would be fine. Then Chuck proceeded to piss into the man's gas tank and to this very day that man has never had to fill his gas tank up again. That was 14 years ago.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
Chuck Norris can eat soup with a fork.
Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
One time in an airport a guy accidently called Chuck Norris "Chick Norris". He explained it was an honest mistake and apologized profusely. Chuck accepted his apology and politley signed an autograph. Nine months later, the guy's wife gave birth to a bearded baby. The guy knew exactly what had happened, and blames nobody but himself.
Chuck Norris can eat a Rubix Cube and poop it out solved.
Chuck Norris is like a dog, not only because he can smell fear, but because he can piss on whatever the fuck he wants.
Chuck Norris does not have to mow his lawn. He simply stares at the grass and dares it to grow.
Chuck Norris invented the spoon because using knives to kill people was just too easy.
Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.
Chuck Norris can win a game of chess by simply saying "Go fish."
Achilles was supposedly the greatest warrior of all time, but he died because of his weak spot, the Achilles tendon. There is no Chuck Norris tendon.
There's no such thing as a tornado. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.
Heart disease may be the new leading cause of death in women age 45 to 65, but Chuck Norris is still the leading cause of death in men age 0 to 125.
Chuck Norris doesn't have to stop bullets becuase they know better.
Chuck Norris knows a wrong way to eat a Reeses.
On Neil Armstrong's second step on the moon, he found a note that said, "Chuck Norris was here."
Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he does not push himself up. He pushes the Earth down.
Chuck Norris challenged a statue to a staring contest. Chuck remains undefeated.
Every dinosaur skull ever found has the imprint of a size 15 cowboy boot on its jaw. Scientists are baffled, but we know damn well why.
There are two kinds of people in this world: People who are Chuck Norris, and people who are going to die.
Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
Anyone can piss on the bathroom floor, but Chuck Norris can shit on the ceiling.
Chuck Norris could have starred in Footloose with both legs amputated.
Jesus's Birthday isn't December 25 but Chuck Norris once sent him a birthday card for that day, Jesus was too scared to tell Chuck the truth. Thats why we celebrate Christmas
After taking the first steps on the moon and saying the immortal words, "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind", Neil Armstrong looked to his right, only to see Chuck Norris there on the moon, sitting on a lawn chair drinking a beer. "Giant leap, my ass", Chuck replied.
Chuck Norris was going to spend a relaxing day watching television when one of those commercials for Trix cereal came on. Angered by what he saw, Chuck Norris spent the rest of his, what was supposed to be a relaxing day, punching every child he came across. He would then shout at them, ?Trix are for Chuck Norris.?
The first lunar eclipse took place after Chuck Norris challenged the sun to a staring contest. Chuck Norris always wins.
On the 6th day, God created Chuck Norris. On the 7th day, God was resting from roundhouse to the face related injuries.
There is no theory of evolution, only a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
When Chuck Norris learned that Jesus tried to sport a beard that rivaled his own, he went and roundhouse kicked that Jew onto a cross and said, "Don't mess with Texas."
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead
decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter
he grew a beard.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was
finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his
soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and
admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every
second Wednesday of the month.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot
broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart
while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply
beat the living shit out of everything that was thrown at him, and the
game forfeited.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer, Chuck Norris
smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7
different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing
for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the
information he wants.
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of
"beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen,
jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined
influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all
three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but
because he has run out of women.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and
saying "booya".
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck
Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck
Norris can kill him and take it.
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on
Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His
reasoning? It was "more humane".
There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I
mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".
Chuck Norris doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if
your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been
known to last for up to 15 days.
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck
Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and
starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from
drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far
too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided into
two.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the
first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and
includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack.
Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes. Ever.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can hear silence.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
If at first you don't succeed, you're obviously not Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can draw a square circle.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
The Dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. ONCE.
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
Chuck Norris' penis is so large that it actually warps the fabric of space-time. Indeed some physicists now theorise that the passage of time is mearly a byproduct of Norris' colossal erections. This is known as the "Chuck Norris' big cock theory of space-time".
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is Courage?" Chuck Norris received an "A+" for writing only the words "Chuck Norris" and promptly turning in the paper.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Every time Chuck Norris smiles it saves the life of a dying man. Ironically, Chuck Norris only smiles after he kills someone.
Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
Chuck Norris doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a royal flush.
Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
Before he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
Chuck Norris' action figure has slept with more women then most men.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
Chuck Norris clogs the toilet even when he pisses.
Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell them there was a stripper in it.
Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.
Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
Chuck Norris has a word for a person he puts into a coma; that word is "lucky".
Similar to a Russian Nesting Doll, if you were to break Chuck Norris open you would find another Chuck Norris inside, only smaller and angrier.
Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris invented the car accident.
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Native American.
Oxygen requires Chuck Norris to live.
A recent poll discovered 93% of women think about Chuck Norris during sex. A similar poll discovered Chuck Norris thinks about Chuck Norris 100% of the time during sex.
Chuck Norris doesn't have to do anything for a Klondike bar.
Most reported Bigfoot sightings are just Chuck Norris with his shirt off. Loch Ness sightings, on the other hand, are Chuck with his pants off.
Chuck Norris does not know about this site. Otherwise he would have deleted the internet.
Wilt Chamberlin claims to of slept with over 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."
It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.
Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.
A man was once stranded on the side of the road after his car ran out of gas. Chuck Norris drove by, got out, and looked the man in the eye. The man knew that everything would be fine. Then Chuck proceeded to piss into the man's gas tank and to this very day that man has never had to fill his gas tank up again. That was 14 years ago.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
Chuck Norris can eat soup with a fork.
Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
One time in an airport a guy accidently called Chuck Norris "Chick Norris". He explained it was an honest mistake and apologized profusely. Chuck accepted his apology and politley signed an autograph. Nine months later, the guy's wife gave birth to a bearded baby. The guy knew exactly what had happened, and blames nobody but himself.
Chuck Norris can eat a Rubix Cube and poop it out solved.
Chuck Norris is like a dog, not only because he can smell fear, but because he can piss on whatever the fuck he wants.
Chuck Norris does not have to mow his lawn. He simply stares at the grass and dares it to grow.
Chuck Norris invented the spoon because using knives to kill people was just too easy.
Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.
Chuck Norris can win a game of chess by simply saying "Go fish."
Achilles was supposedly the greatest warrior of all time, but he died because of his weak spot, the Achilles tendon. There is no Chuck Norris tendon.
There's no such thing as a tornado. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.
Heart disease may be the new leading cause of death in women age 45 to 65, but Chuck Norris is still the leading cause of death in men age 0 to 125.
Chuck Norris doesn't have to stop bullets becuase they know better.
Chuck Norris knows a wrong way to eat a Reeses.
On Neil Armstrong's second step on the moon, he found a note that said, "Chuck Norris was here."
Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he does not push himself up. He pushes the Earth down.
Chuck Norris challenged a statue to a staring contest. Chuck remains undefeated.
Every dinosaur skull ever found has the imprint of a size 15 cowboy boot on its jaw. Scientists are baffled, but we know damn well why.
There are two kinds of people in this world: People who are Chuck Norris, and people who are going to die.
Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
Anyone can piss on the bathroom floor, but Chuck Norris can shit on the ceiling.
Chuck Norris could have starred in Footloose with both legs amputated.
Jesus's Birthday isn't December 25 but Chuck Norris once sent him a birthday card for that day, Jesus was too scared to tell Chuck the truth. Thats why we celebrate Christmas
After taking the first steps on the moon and saying the immortal words, "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind", Neil Armstrong looked to his right, only to see Chuck Norris there on the moon, sitting on a lawn chair drinking a beer. "Giant leap, my ass", Chuck replied.
Chuck Norris was going to spend a relaxing day watching television when one of those commercials for Trix cereal came on. Angered by what he saw, Chuck Norris spent the rest of his, what was supposed to be a relaxing day, punching every child he came across. He would then shout at them, ?Trix are for Chuck Norris.?
The first lunar eclipse took place after Chuck Norris challenged the sun to a staring contest. Chuck Norris always wins.
On the 6th day, God created Chuck Norris. On the 7th day, God was resting from roundhouse to the face related injuries.
There is no theory of evolution, only a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
When Chuck Norris learned that Jesus tried to sport a beard that rivaled his own, he went and roundhouse kicked that Jew onto a cross and said, "Don't mess with Texas."
heh ...........lol Hiro a big fan of Chuck Norria....jk
Comment