DOLT OF THE DAY

[dlevere]

Stumbling into traffic yelling at cars, blowing a .286, kicking an officer in the head and being tasered twice will leave you looking like this guy O_o

LINDON, Utah — A man faces charges that include disorderly conduct and assault against a police officer after an incident in Lindon City early Saturday morning.

According to a statement of probable cause, officers were dispatched to Lindon City around 1 a.m. Saturday and found Timothy Phillip Lambert, “stumbling into traffic and yelling at passing motorists.”


Police say Lambert was intoxicated and non-compliant, however they did manage to administer a breathalyzer test and found his BAC registered at .286. For comparison, the current legal limit to drive in Utah is .08 and will be lowered to .05 later this year.

Police transported the man to Timpanogos Hospital in Orem for further evaluation, and while at the hospital they say the man fought with officers.

According to the PC statement Lambert kicked an officer in the head while police were trying to restrain him, after which the officer used a Taser “and deployed a drive stun to [Lambert’s] torso.”

Police say the Taser had “minimal effect”, so the officer deployed the Taser a second time, this time in the leg. At that point the man stopped fighting and complied with police.

Lambert was taken to the Utah County Jail after being medically cleared. He was booked on charges of intoxication, resisting arrest, disorderly conduct, and assault against a police officer.

Source

[marlon]

That's a funny and weird story, Pyriel. Stuff like that happens in Philadelphia all of the time.

I can tell.

[dlevere]

In something that reads like an In Living Color skit, a porn site has launched a 'cock-blockchain cryptocurrency'. And promises 'to put the ass back into crypto-assets' O_o

[dlevere]

Man throws fireworks out of moving car, receives instant primer in physics. Additional lessons in wound care and insurance thrown in absolutely free O_o

[dlevere]

Naked Florida man starts house fire while baking cookies on George Foreman grill O_o

The man admitted to drinking two liters of vodka and smoking marijuana starting around 9 a.m. that morning. He was examined at the scene and had no life-threatening injuries, the report said. He refused further medical treatment.

Based on the fire department’s investigation, the man allegedly tried baking cookies on a George Foreman grill — which he left unattended. The grill and cookies caught fire, so he put dry towels on top of the grill. Those caught fire, too, causing the fire to spread.

[dlevere]

One of the divers who rescued the boys trapped in a Thailand cave is, say it with me people, trapped in a cave O_o

[dlevere]

Man calls police to demand return of "prestige weed" they "stole" from him O_o

“I want my motherfucking weed back,” an Ohio man told cops at the Sharonville, Ohio Police Department when he called to report that two police officers had “stolen” 4 grams of his “prestige weed.” The department posted an audio clip of the phone call on its Facebook page as a reminder that recreational marijuana is not actually legal in the state.

“I need to do a complaint about two Sharonville cops. They stole my fucking weed last night,” said the caller, whose name was redacted to protect his identity. “It was only like 4 grams but it was prestige fucking weed. And from what I know 100 grams is cool right?” “You are wrong,” replied the sergeant, who managed to keep his cool during the call.

“Dude where have you been the past two months?” the caller then asked the cop, “two months ago it passed that 100 grams you guys don’t take it, no ticket!” The sergeant informed the man that weed is not, in fact, legal in the county, but the caller insists, “I’m allowed to have up to 100 grams, I know the law, I know my fucking rights!”

The man spelled out his full name to the cops, but when he realized his mistake, he told the cops his wife’s name is Marilyn Manson. Sharonville police posted the audio with a caption reminding people that “recreational marijuana is still ILLEGAL.”

[dlevere]

Author of "End of Times" releases sequel, featuring a wholesome American couple on the run from the law, a dead ex, another dead ex, missing children, doomsday prepping, cult membership, self-declared prophet status O_o

[dlevere]

If you accidentally set fire to all the money you plan to steal, are you really a "master thief?" O_o

[dlevere]

Matthew Steeves and his wife haven't had a moment alone in months, but when they stole away for a drive on Wednesday and stopped to play Pokémon GO, their brief getaway ended with a fine of $880.

The couple, who live in the town of Kingsville, Ont., south of Windsor, had pulled into an empty church parking lot to capture some digital monsters.

But an Ontario Provincial Police cruiser drove up behind them and the officer asked what they were doing, Steeves said. The officer then told them their trip wasn't essential and handed the pair a fine for violating lock down restrictions.

"I was in shock and my mind was blown. I was very angry. I couldn't believe I was being given a $750 ticket for sitting in my van," Steeves said. "I don't understand how being inside your vehicle is contributing to the spread of COVID."

The ticket adds up to $880 when tax is included.

Dolt fined $880 for Pokémon GO outing amid stay at home order O_o

[dlevere]

Man killed after jumping off Panama City Beach hotel balcony with parachute O_o

PANAMA CITY BEACH, Fla. (WJHG/WECP)

One man is dead after he reportedly jumped off a beach hotel balcony with a parachute that didn't deploy.

Panama City Beach police responded to the call Sunday evening at Sunrise Beach Resort. They say he jumped from the 14th floor.

Officials say the man is in his 20's. It is unknown at this time if he was a local or from out of state.