Games That Make You Go ARGHHH!! Volume 1

[dlevere]

Remember the golden days of buying something you thought was a golden goose, but ends up being an ugly duckling? In this series - Games That Make You Go ARGHHH!! - we tackle the worst of the worst video games ever.

Aircars - Atari Jaguar

Revolution X (Featuring Aerosmith) (Various Systems/Arcade)

[bungholio]

I would put any game in the list that has any kind of aiming assistance. Aiming assistance always screws up your aiming so you miss and grunt out ARGHHHHHHHH!

[dlevere]

I agree. TimeSplitters2 is a great game, but it has a bad aiming system on the GameCube. It took me awhile to get used to it.

[bungholio]

I'd say the same about Devil May Cry 4. I suppose it's fine to spray bullets as long as I'm hitting an enemy, but the torture room with the ceiling spikes, randomly vanishing & reappearing grapple points, and fixed camera points that won't let me see if I'm aiming at the right grapple point thing was legendary, and there was no turning auto aim stuff off. How can you knowingly allow yourself to make it badly like that? The player can't see all they are aiming at and the aim randomly picks an object in the general direction while things are moving and rapidly vanishing and reappearing.

Sometimes I can get by games cheap and fast with aim assist. I was beyond drunk playing Far Cry 3 Co-Op with my roommate, and I was slaughtering enemies by quickly tapping aim and fire to almost never miss head shots.

Clumsy controls are ARGHHHH! things too. To me, controls should really give me good control. Some games I can't seem to nail down, especially moves for fighting games like Tekken, Mortal Kombat, or Street Fighter. How do they expect you to master moves like Ryu's or Ken's uppercuts with a joystick? I didn't take the greatest amount of time trying to nail it, but my 1 hour of practice made me laugh at the quote "Practice Makes Perfect". Some things that is true, but that seemed more like a thing where no amount of practice made me any bit better the whole time, and I felt like I just wasted a lot of time. I used to have that stuff nailed with the old direction pad all 3 of those series, but I'd really need to see somebody display that they've mastered it and with the joysticks to believe it. I've played lots of Mortal Kombat and quite a bit of Tekken with the joysticks, and I can never reliably ever do any special moves, like much less than 1/2 of the time. It's frustrating, it's like they are just impossible.


Fixed camera angle games are kind of an ARGHHHH! things too. Old Resident Evils made me roll my eyes when the music started playing and you knew the zombie was around the corner. 5 minutes go by and you're staring at your watch until you're sick of waiting. The instant you get around the corner and BAM! a chunk gets bitten out of your chest. ARGHHHHH!

[dlevere]

I used the Hit Anywhere GameShark code for Tekken.

Hit Your Opponent Anywhere On The Screen
80048CCE 2400

Getting your ass kicked over and over again gets really old, really fast.

[olala]

Dunt mesh with me dood!

You slap me? I do prinny dance=avoid dood

You shotin me? Nice try! ill usin mi prinny chop =your bullet are piece of junks now dood!

Now wanna try to runaway? Dunt think so!ill throwin mi prinny bomb(I've lot of stock at mi bepbepbag) =youre blowin out dood!

Tryin to call your captain? Bring it on! Prinny BBBBBBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.......EEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEE.....EEEEEEEEEEEEEErrr.....EEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!uh dood you all dead dood!yes you're deadood!

[bungholio]

I used to do incredibly well in Tekken games using the D-Pad. I almost never messed up any special attacks. I never ever missed a special attack in any Mortal Kombat game ever too, and that's not an exaggeration. Then I tried them with the newer ones with joysticks. Joysticks just aren't made for them, they really need to change something. Doing a forward, down, down-forward and any button for an uppercut or anything is screwed, something needs to change because the precision is joysticks compared to a D-Pad is entirely different.

[dlevere]

Games That Make You Go ARGHHH!! Volume 2: Super Hero Edition

By Miketendo

Superman 64 – (Nintendo 64)

You’d think being stationary in a living room would make it near impossible to get motion sickness. Then came Superman 64. Released in 1999 in an effort to destroy the world before the Y2K bug, Superman 64, also known by it’s proper title of Superman: The New Adventures, makes you wonder how bad his old adventures were. If we judge most video game efforts prior to this title, I think we can all agree that pretending to be Superman in your backyard with friends is more fun than any part of this wretched title.

The developers were either too lazy or too unfamiliar with the Nintendo 64’s graphics chipset. Developer Titus decided “Kryptonite fog” was the best way to explain the entire in-game world of clouds thicker than a vat full of cotton candy. This was actually done to hide the developer’s ability to create proper draw distance, where levels load as you reach a certain point. Many would say this would be more of a limitation of hardware and those people have clearly never played other games on the same system made by companies who actually cared about learning how to create levels properly. The game further punishes players by having them do everything that makes a Superman game dull, including: flying through rings, picking up cars, and solving puzzles. Just like in the comics. You know, the ones that don’t exist because that’d be a horrible idea? Yeah, those comics. It’s a shame this game didn’t take the hint during development and disappear like the terrible draw distance.

Combined with a horrible frame rate, abysmal controls and lacking game play, the game fails in almost every category. If it was a student, the grade would be so low—we’d just have to expel it from the school. The nickname Superman 64 comes from the 64 reasons anyone can think of to not play this game. But wait, there’s more! Act now and you can try out the multiplayer mode to make three of your other friends hate you even more than they do already. Enjoy!

Wolverine: Adamantium Rage (Super NES)

Can I just say, I’m a huge Wolverine fan? Cause I am. On top of that, Super Nintendo is one of my favorite systems ever. When LJN decided to create a Super NES game dedicated to the Ol’ Canuckle Head, well, let’s just say it was the equivalent of an evil clown making you piss your own pants at a birthday party: it’s rude, crude and probably will smell after a while.

Poor Logan can’t catch a break in this game. Between awful controls and lousy hit detection, the game’s main purpose—combat—is the weakest part of the entire game. Couple that with music which sounds like a chainsaw raping the 1990s and you’ve got a title that sounds and plays like a child’s broken heart.

Wolverine is equipped with attacks that have huge delays to match his turning mechanics, so not only does he show up late to parties, he can’t fight worth a damn. Graphically, this game is a bit of an eyesore as well, with colours practically reaching out of the television to try and make your eyes bleed. Don’t believe me? Check out the review I did for the game (in the video above) and you’ll see why you need to stay far, far away from Adamantium Rage.

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